I didn’t think I would actually write this year. But it is important that I do.. that I remember this day and can look back at it next year and see how the sixth year went for me.
I’d say that out of the six years I’ve now been clean that this one just the last 6 months have been the most trying most difficult but most rewarding. It is crazy to think back to this day and really really take a look at where I was six years ago. September 22. 2005 and onto the 23 I was ridiculously not “checked” in. I can so vividly remember my mom taking off my door and making me kneel while she prayed for my soul. I found it such a joke but how thankful am I today. I had my mama praying and begging God to move in me and for me to quit using meth. He answered her prayer even though I didn’t fully realize it at that point. This morning I’m not sure why but the Wednesday before all of this went down September 21 I remember being at youth group and feeling so convicted but not knowing what that even was at the time. I just felt so rotten and like everyone knew what I was doing, I felt like a fraud and like I didn’t belong.
Looking back I see how God had been preparing me for the surrendering I would be doing the next couple of weeks. It started with deciding that September 23 that I would never ever do meth again and it continued the next couple weeks as I decided to leave Monroe and go to that winter retreat at Angels Crest. There although I can’t remember the message like at all, I surrendered my life to Christ I realized the depth of my sins and how much of a Savior I really needed. He showed me that I could not find fulfillment in drugs or any other self destructive thing that I had been doing over the years.
Today I’ve been reminded of who I was and the fact that I never have to be that person again. I no longer have to feel empty and like I need to self medicate. Jesus is all I need and I pray that He will always be all that I need. The cross is what has gotten me this far.. but not the wooden thing no the person who gave their life on it. I am forever thankful that I’ve been ransomed that I’ve been redeemed that I’ve been made new.
Although this year a few temptations have crept back up God reminded me constantly of His Son and the fact that I don’t need to turn to those any more.
Thank you x a gazillion Lord. I pray that this next year.. the 7th year I’ll be clean that I continue giving the glory to you and realizing the depth of my sins and not forgetting how important You are and how important what You did on the cross for me is.